Thursday, July 22, 2010

Right Now

Right now...I am doing a little bit of a personal inventory, looking back at my journey over the last few years.  So incredibly thankful that somehow despite the roads I have traveled on, I find myself in the place I am today.  I'm just gonna throw this out there right away that it is purely by the grace of God.

I have learned a lot of very important lessons over the last few years...many of them the hard way.  Trust me, in no way do I think I've 'arrived' and am done learning...I know that life really is an ongoing process, and three or four years down the road I will look back and probably be amazed in that leg of my journey as well.  I hope so.  I only hope that by God's grace my future lessons will be written on a more willing heart, and with less pain. 

The saying goes that sometimes things have to be completely torn down before they can be rebuilt.  That is exactly what I have experienced, in many areas of my life.  The storms rolled in , and everything as I knew it was completely washed away.  My marriage.  Friendships. My reputation.  And there I was left sitting in the mud, with a dirty face, my arms full of broken pieces of what used to be my life. 

I am so thankful that out of all of the places I've been to over these last few years, none of them were my destination.  I'm thankful that God loves me enough not to leave me there, even if at some of those places I wanted to stay!  Have you ever looked back and asked yourself, "What was I thinking?" I have had more than one of those moments. 

Through my experience I've learned many things, but probably the most important lesson being this: God is faithful.  And good.  And full of mercy.  He loved me at my worst.  And knowing what He did for me, when He knew all along what I would do, is absolutely flooring.  That is grace!  And that is why I have to share my gratitude.  He has taken something that was just broken, and is making it into something beautiful, and completely new.

I can't describe completely what that is yet, because I'm still in the process.  But I can describe what it's not.  It's not based on condition or fear, or performance for other people or what they might think.  It is more intimate and pure that any relationship I've ever known.  It is based on unconditional love, and it is overwhelming me in the best way possible.

"To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified."—Isaiah 61:3.

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